The Uke Conspiracy
by Argon Jaden Siberite Bluridge
Summary: It was a simple visit; which turned into a conspiracy, which led to dark planning, which led to a game of rock-paper-scissors, which led to pointing at each other, which led to their trying to escape from punishment and ended with both of them having a common ground to weep about. Nostalgia and Romantica; Rated T because it's a !crack!fic The image IS NOT MINE! Credits to the owner


**Yo! So a story one-shot! Yay! :D *coughs* Anyway,**

**This here is dedicated to **_Rittie_ **who inspired me to write this one-shot (with a lot of fainting, nosebleeds, staring, Pokemo-er… character battles and of course, randomness) about two of our favourite couples in the **_**Sekaiichi Hatsukoi**_** and **_**Junjou Romantica**_** world! **

**Disclaimer:**

I don't own anything…. Which is probably why this one is a bit terrible because I got over-excited…. Again… but meh. Shit happens. XD

**Summary:**

It was a simple visit; which turned into a conspiracy, which led to dark planning, which led to a game of rock-paper-scissors, which led to pointing at each other, which led to their trying to escape from punishment and ended with both of them having a common ground to weep about. Nostalgia and Romantica; Rated T because it's a !crack!fic

* * *

**The Uke Conspiracy**

* * *

_Grrrrrrrrr….._

"My stomach hurts…" His sentence was punctuated by a soft growl, making the brunette wince slightly as he trudged on. He rubbed his stomach, looking quite down and a bit out of it. Not his fault though. If Takano-san had been a bit more _considerate_ during work and not attack him whenever they were left alone, he'd probably be less stressed than he was at the moment. Another angry growl came from his stomach as he passed a convenient store.

"_I guess dropping by to get some food for now wouldn't be too much trouble._" He thought bitterly, entering the said shop and moving quickly. For all he knew, Takano-san could be following him, and he did not want to deal with that man right now.

Ritsu was in such a hurry that he didn't notice the other hurrying figure approaching the counter, who was also moving quickly and pretty much zoned out. It didn't take a minute for the inevitable _**-CRASH- **_to happen. The brunette landed on his behind with a loud 'Omph!', wincing as he looked over to the person he had bumped into, who pretty much was in the same condition. The other male looked at him and immediately stood up, apologizing profusely.

"Ah, I'm really sorry! Are you feeling alright? I really didn't see you." The dark haired male said, offering the brunette a hand, which he gratefully took before offering a smile.

"It's okay. It was my fault too for not looking where I was going." He said before taking a closer look at the other, who was also staring at him with curious eyes. "You seem familiar… Have we met?"

"Ah… I work at Marukawa Shoten… Perhaps?" He offered meekly, and Ritsu nodded, giving him a smile.

"I work at the Emerald department." He answered, before he could continue on, the girl at the counter let out a small cough, catching their attention. She gave them both a smile and they immediately flushed, handing over their items, much to the girl's amusement, and quickly paid for it, stepping out of the store. Ritsu pulled out his card and smiled at the other man.

"I'm Onodera Ritsu, pleasure to meet you."

"Ah, I'm Takahashi Misaki. Ple-" He was stopped by Ritsu's phone ringing loudly, startling both of them.

The brunette glared at the offending item, knowing who would call him at this moment. Misaki laughed nervously and gestured for him to pick it up, which he did after a few minutes, grumbling angrily to himself, and excusing himself from Misaki, who just nodded in understanding.

The dark haired man blinked as he watched Ritsu animatedly talking to his phone, before glaring at it, and full on yelling at it, making him sweatdrop. Whoever that person was probably said something offending again. Misaki stood there politely, that is, until a tall, rather intimidating individual walked past him, snapping his phone shut before reaching out to grab the brunette and draging him off, flailing and protesting the entire way. He stared at the couple, dumbfounded as Ritsu gave him an apologetic look, making him sigh.

_Poor Onodera-san…_

* * *

**-x-x-x-**

* * *

"What's this?"

"Huh?" Misaki looked up from the stove, pausing in mid-stir as he looked at the item in Usagi-san's hand. He was holding a white piece of paper that he obviously fished out from Misaki's stuff, and upon recognizing it, he shrugged and went back to cooking, focusing on the task he was doing. "That's Onodera-san's card. I bumped into him at the convenience store when I picked up some things. He works in Marukawa, but we never got to talk much." _Because he was dragged away by some intimidating guy._ He added mentally. Usagi-san studied the card in his hands.

"So, Onodera-san works at Marukawa now." Misaki looked up, confusion written on his face.

"Huh? You knew Onodera-san?" He asked, shutting off the stove when he deemed it done. The big shot novelist nodded, handing the card to the younger man and plopping back down on the couch, resting against it with a sigh.

"Onodera-san was my editor before." He said, casting a glance at the younger male. "Hmm, I guess it should be appropriate to give him a call and ask him to drop over tomorrow. I'll go call him now." He said, standing up and walking over towards the phone, Misaki at his heels.

"Usagi-san! You can't bother him right now! It's pretty late and-"

"Hello? This is Usami-sensei." The younger male growled in annoyance. This man, just… never listens! He watched as the writer paused, seemingly listening to the other person on the other end before a small smile (not a good smile, the weird, one that makes him look like he was scheming something bad again.) formed on his face. His posture relaxed a bit and Misaki couldn't help but feel a bit of dread.

"Ah… Yes. That would be good… No, It won't be any trouble… Tomorrow it is then. Alright, good bye." The silver haired man set the phone down and looked over at the fuming Misaki beside him.

"Usagi-san-"

"Onodera-san's coming over tomorrow. He said that it's fine."

"But-"

"Misaki, he said it was fine. He was my editor before and it's better that you stick around him."

Misaki blinked up in confusion, not really understanding what the older male implied as he walked off, leaving him glaring at the rather childish writer. With a pout, he trudged off into the kitchen setting the table for himself and Usagi-san, and despite his constant pestering to tell him what was going on and that he didn't need to do that, Usagi-san didn't let anything slip, making a small rock of dread settle in his stomach.

* * *

**-x-x-x-**

* * *

Ritsu shuffled down the street, a dark cloud hanging over his head while he was pretending to ignore his stalker. He continued on, having already memorized the address of the place. A grim, unsettled look formed on his face.

"Excuse me, but can you please stop following me?" He growled out, not looking at Takano who seemed to be trailing behind him at a leisurely pace. His boss raised a brow at him and crossed his arms.

"I'm not following you, you know. It just so happens that I have a person to visit as well." He answered coolly before giving his lover a small smile. "Why? Do you wish to be around me that much?"

"LIKE HELL!" He growled out before continuing to walk at a faster pace, despite the slight ache in his backside.

Last night, Takano-san had dragged him to his house again because he was 'going to check the manuscripts' that were sent in today. How checking the manuscripts escalated into him being pinned down on the floor to almost loosing himself again, if it wasn't for Usami-sensei calling his phone. But before he could pick it up, Takano-san had grabbed it and was off, chatting with the sensei, acting as if he was using _his_ own phone and not Ritsu's. He tried eavesdropping on the conversation but honestly couldn't understand a single idea since Takano-san spoke in phrases instead of usual sentences. And then, something creepy happened.

His boss looked over at him, amber eyes glinting deviously, making him step back, shivers racing up and down his spine. Takano-san nodded once, before exchanging goodbye's with Usami-sensei and ending the call. Ritsu gulped and briskly walked past him, heading towards the door, but was stopped by the raven haired man. Obviously, the ball rolled down from there.

And now, here he was, trying to avoid his boss on his day-off, only to be trailed. Letting out an angry sigh, he approached the large house, feeling a slight sense of nostalgia as he walked up the steps. Steeling himself, he went forward, blatantly ignoring Takano-san who was a few feet away, and rang the door.

"Ah, just a minute!"

Footsteps resounded through the wooden floor and he could hear the door being unlocked and finally opened. Misaki stood at the door with a sheepish grin, which Ritsu returned with his own. Behind him, Usami-sensei stood, arms crossed as he studied his ex-editor, before his amethyst eyes flicked at the person standing behind Ritsu.

"Glad you could make it, Takano-san, Onodera-san." He said with something that was probably considered a smile of greeting, oblivious to the confused look on Misaki's face and the terror written on Ritsu's. Behind the brunette editor, Takano let out a laugh, the kind that doesn't sit well with Ritsu because he didn't know what was running through that man's head whenever he laughed like that.

"Usami-sensei, it has been quite a while." He said, ignoring the questioning, and slightly angry looks he received from his subordinate as they entered the house, leaving their shoes at the _genkan_. He looked over at Misaki and raised a brow, studying him.

"You must be Takahashi-san, right?" He asked, and Misaki fervently nodded.

"Ah... y-yes…"

"Keep up the good work." Takano said, before his attention was once again taken by Usami-sensei,

"The party a year ago at Marukawa was the last time we talked, I believe?" Usami-sensei said, leading them to the living room, with Misaki and Ritsu brooding at the back. The two men chatted animatedly while the two younger ones frowned, that is until Ritsu spoke up.

"I apologize for bringing him along. He followed me here." He said bitterly. The younger man shook his head and offered a soft smile.

"It's okay. It seems like Usagi-san expected him though." Misaki said, trying his best to reassure him. "I'm the one who should apologize for calling you to visit on your day-off."

"Ah, it's fine. I could use some nostalgia every now and then." Ritsu said with a smile.

Meanwhile, Takano-san and Usami-sensei smirked at their unsuspecting ukes, quite enjoying the way the two of them chatted animatedly about idle things in the office. Takano crossed his arms, a predatory glint in his amber eyes. He watched as Misaki idly led him to the kitchen, offering him coffee which the brunette quickly accepted. Once the two had taken a sip from their mugs, Usami-sensei's eyes glittered.

"Oh yeah, Takano-san, I forgot to mention that Misaki is my lover." He said, loud enough for the other two to hear. A split second later, coffee flew out of Misaki's mouth as he choked in surprise, coughing while Ritsu rubbed his back, asking him if he was okay. The two semes watched with mild amusement as he regained his breath before shooting a full-bodied glare at Usami-sensei, despite the harsh blush dusting his face.

"Usagi-san! Why do you keep saying nonsense thi-"

"I see, well then, it'll be okay if they hang around each other I suppose. I feel a lot more at ease that my own lover has another friend." It was Ritsu's turn to do a spit-take and Misaki's turn to rub his back. After what seemed like a few minutes, it was Ritsu's turn to glare at Takano, who merely met his glare with a cool gaze.

"You don't spout shit like that!" Ritsu growled out, face a harsh shade of strawberry red, getting an approving nod from Usami-sensei.

"You two have quite the loving relationship, Takano-san." He said, closing his eyes and nodding in agreement while Ritsu, obviously ruffled, glared at his boss.

"Like hell we do!" Misaki frowned and shot Usagi-san an annoyed look as he tried to get the other to calm down a bit more.

"Usagi-san! You shouldn't be saying those kinds of things on a whim! It's rude!"

"I can say the same for you, sensei; quite the beautiful relationship." Takano said with a nod, making Misaki's and Ritsu's jaws drop when both men let out their creepy, we're-up-to-something laughs, realizing that the two of them were probably just playing around. With a huff, Misaki pulled Ritsu along, away from the two still laughing men and dragged him to his room, both of them muttering things about idiotic idiots who had no sense of subtlety.

The two entered Misaki's room and the owner slammed his door shut, face pulled into an angry scowl before he remembered that he had a visitor, and his visitor also looked quite annoyed himself. Misaki sighed and approached him.

"I apologize for Usagi-san's behaviour, Onodera-san." He said, feeling a bit embarrassed. The anger washed away from Ritsu's face and he immediately shook his head, putting his hands up.

"No, I should be apologizing for Takano-san's behaviour. He was being an inconsiderate person again." Ritsu seethed, earning a slight chuckle from Misaki.

"Well, it looks like we're going to get along with that then." Misaki said with a chuckle before his face turned serious. "But is it true that you and Takano-san are… lovers?" Ritsu blushed at the words, but nodded, green eyes studying the floor like it had become quite interesting.

"I guess you're on the same boat as me then, except with Usami-sensei?" He asked, and Misaki blushed lightly but nodded nonetheless. Ritsu sighed, not really sure what to say.

Both of them stayed in awkward silence for a while before the older brunette cleared his throat and opened the door, well, just a bit, but he didn't get to fully open it because what they heard sent blood straight to their heads.

"I have to disagree, Takano-san. Sex inside a hotel room is much better than inside the shower." Usami-sensei's voice was firm, and quite rich. A scoff followed shortly, and they could easily guess that it was Takano-san's.

"Usami-sensei, sex inside the shower is far better than inside a scented hotel."

"I disagree. Hotel rooms have aromatherapy lamps in them nowadays and the rooms for couples have scents that increase sex drive. I've seen it work well on Misaki."

"Shower sex not only keeps Ritsu slippery, but also, the shower drops have a relaxing effect, and a more relaxed Ritsu would mean more energy for another round." Takano defended, voice sounding stiff and authoritative.

"Misaki with increased sex drive also means another round of sex."

"But Ritsu relaxed means more rounds, because his endurance isn't being tested."

"Hmph. Water makes it slippery, wouldn't that be a little too hard on both of you?"

"No, but too much scents make people dizzy. He gets overwhelmed a little too easily with the smell; doesn't Takahashi-san feel the same?"

"He doesn't complain, unless you count _begging for more_ as a complaint. What about Onodera-san?"

"He complains a lot, but always remarks on how _good it feels_ after. I don't think that is counted as complaining."

"That is quite true, should it be more of… voicing out their opinions then?"

The two men were conversing with this topic as if they were arguing about things as trivial as the weather, and not their sex lives, specifically, the sex lives of their lovers, who were eavesdropping on their conversation. The two ukes in question had not only harsh blushes on their faces because of embarrassment, but also because of anger. Unable to help himself, Misaki rushed out of the room, darted down the stairs and pointed an accusing finger at Usagi-san, Ritsu following closely behind.

"I told you to stop saying stupid things li-"

"Oh good, you're both down here, now you can tell us which is better, aromatherapy hotel sex or shower sex." Usami-sensei stated bluntly, causing both of their faces to turn ten shades of red.

"It would be nice if you state your honest opinion on it." Takano-san added, looking as serious as he can.

If one were to look at the situation, the atmosphere surrounding the two older men was strained with seriousness. Ritsu sighed, feeling a bit lightheaded from all the blood rushing to his brain. He gently nudged Misaki out of his stupor, causing the younger man to stop seething before dragging him away, far from the listening ears of their semes. Once he deemed that they were far enough, Ritsu spoke.

"That asshole really… I'll get back at him one day." He grumbled, massaging his temples. Just then, Misaki's eyes lit up.

"That's it!" Ritsu gave him a confused look, his own emeralds blinking with confusion while Misaki's sparkled with triumph.

"We'll get back at them!"

It was as if lights flicked open on top of their heads, and the two brunettes grinned at each other, the same idea running through their minds. It was obvious that the two men were quite possessive, and they believed that Misaki and Ritsu would have no further relationship aside from being friends, because they believe that the two don't like each other that way, which is quite true, except now;

"Do you think it'd work?" Misaki asked with a grin. Ritsu nodded and the two let out soft chuckles as they formed their plan.

"So, this is how we do it; we pretend that we like each other and it's sure to annoy them." Misaki said excitedly before Ritsu frowned a bit.

"What if they ask us questions?"

"I-I didn't think of that… Let's just make up a story using Rock-paper- sci-"

"What are you two whispering about?"

The two of them froze and guiltily turned around, surprised to see Usagi-san and Takano-san leisurely taking a smoke while watching the two males squirm. Their hearts were beating really hard at being caught red handed, and they looked at each other in panic.

"Well?" Takano asked, his amber gaze focusing on Ritsu who shivered and immediately faced Misaki.

"A-ah.. Misaki-chan, l-let's go do our business now." He stammered, hoping that the younger man caught his drift. Luckily, he did and he immediately grabbed Ritsu's hand, pulling him between the other two.

"T-that's right, R-Ritsu-san! We still have to go play R-rock-paper-scissors i-in my room." He stuttered as they went up the stairs. Usagi-san's eyes narrowed at that.

"Why would you need to go to your room to play?"

"S-so the winner can top the looser, of course!" Ristu said on an impulse, before sharing another panicked look with Misaki. Takano raised a brow at this, looking curious.

"Well, by all means, please play here." He said casually; maybe a little too casually.

The two younger men glanced at the two and suppressed a shudder. Takano and Usami both had smiles on their faces, except, it wasn't the kind of smile that would mean they're happy. Rather, it was a sinister, creepy looking smile and the dark expressions of their eyes did not match the cheery quirk of their lips. Immediately, the two knew that they were going to be in trouble, especially if they don't pull this off. Taking deep breaths, the two faced each other and gulped, feeling glares boring on the side of their heads. With shaky hands, the two played the game, only to end up with a draw, three times. Takano let out an unamused laugh.

"So, how is it going to go now? Who will top?" He asked in a light teasing tone, the aura around him and Usami darkening by another terrifying degree. Misaki and Ritsu gulped.

"He will!"

"He will!"

They said it at the same time, fingers pointing at each other. The two shared another scared look before Ritsu swallowed and dragged Misaki to one of the rooms.

"You'll top on the first r-round then." He said, trying to keep up with his charades. Misaki nodded shakily as he closed the door.

When the lock clicked shut, and both of them looked at each other and nearly screamed, panicking wildly with every passing second. Of course, they couldn't pull it off! It was a stupid idea; a very stupid idea! Who came up with it anyway?! Soft footsteps grew louder and stopped in front of the door, and they could hear Takano and Usami talking.

"I think it's a hoax." Usagi-san.

"I agree. Usually, isn't there lots of wet, kissing noises before sex?" Takano-san.

"That's true, so they're probably just _faking_ it."

Misaki looked around, but he wasn't desperate enough to kiss his newfound friend and partner-in-crime. How did kissing sounds sound like? A wet suck on skin, right? Right? Taking a deep breath, he brought his wrist to his lips and lightly sucked at it, smacking his lips against his racing pulse and licking the skin to make it sounds as if they were sloppy, open mouthed kisses. Ritsu had finally caught on what he was doing and quietly rushed to the closet, pulling out two pairs of pants and noisily pulling the zippers down before tossing them away.

To keep up his act, he leaned against the door, making thud softly, before letting out small moans, causing Misaki to stop and stare at him. He shook his head and gestured with his hands. Still in panic mode, Misaki nodded and let out a breathy sigh, Ritsu continuing the task of making kissing noises. They continued on like this for a few more minutes, pulling out fake moans and gasps and slick kissing sounds without touching each other, although their wrists was starting to redden a bit.

"… Well, isn't this the part where they actually do the penetration part?" Takano said from the other side of the door, causing both males to stop and stare at the wooden door with horror. A low chuckle as heard from the outside.

"I don't know. I mean, they are _both_ bottoms so-"

"_Naaahhh~_"

Misaki looked at Ritsu with even more horror as pulled out that perfectly needy voice. His message was very simple: _Do Sex Talk_

"_I-I'm p-putting it in Ritsu._" Misaki said, face heating up with embarrassment as he looked away, feeling quite horrified. Ritsu nodded in encouragement.

"_Haaahh~_"

"_R-relax… Please…_"

This is stupid! Very stupid! Who the fuck even thought about doing this?! Ritsu nodded and gestured at his wrist before letting out another embarrassingly lewd moan, followed by the sound of wet kisses. This is embarrassing!

"_Y-you can move now, Misaki_." Ritsu stuttered. Though it would sound as if it was because the two were actually engaged in the act from the other side of the door, though their faces was a dangerous shade of red, the real reason why it sounded breathy and choked was because the two were experiencing something higher than the level of awkward. And now, they had a new problem to face.

Misaki gestured at his hand and then at the door, and Ritsu nodded. Slowly, he banged his back against the door while Misaki clapped his hands softly, to create the sound illusion of skin hitting skin. The worked with precision, they had to make it sound realistic. Ritsu moved faster and Misaki's claps were sharper, and to make it sound even more realistic they moaned between closed lips, creating the perfect illusion of a couple having sex.

Emerald met emerald and they nodded.

"_C-close!_"

"_Aaaahh!_"

"_R-ristu~_"

The two of them ceased their movements, panting loudly. The panting was natural this time as they looked at each other, tears pricking at the corners of their eyes from embarrassment. Ritsu slid down the door and Misaki collapsed on shaking knees. On the other side of the door, they heard footsteps recede, telling them that the two were gone. Misaki and Ritsu held their breath, listening carefully for any sign that the two were still outside. There was nothing but silence.

A minute passed.

Two

Three

Five

Ten

Nothing. With their heart rates back to normal, the two emerald-eyed men grinned at each other and gave each other a high-five, smirking. Standing up on slightly-shaky knees, Ritsu extended a hand towards Misaki, who gratefully accepted it with a chuckle. Their mission was a success!

"We actually pulled it off, Onodera-san!" Misaki said with a laugh as they approached the door.

"I knew they would be fooled by it." Ritsu said, unlocking the door and stepping outside…

To see Takano-san casually leaning against the doorframe and Usami-san looking at them with his arms crossed over his chest. It was obvious that the two were far from happy, and not only that, they had matching demon smirks on their faces.

"I'm actually quite impressed, right, Takano-san?" Usami-san said, his eyes not leaving his beloved Misaki's figure. Takano let out another humourless laugh before fixing his amber gaze at Ritsu, who flinched and looked away.

"Yes. I actually got a little bit… _excited_ by their performance." He said, before pushing himself off the wall and approaching Ritsu, who didn't dare look at him in the eyes. "I think they need to be punished, Usami-sensei, don't you agree?"

"You can borrow that room for carrying out your _punishment_." The writer said, pulling Misaki against him before deliberately carrying him off, despite his protests. Ritsu watched his partner-in-crime struggle uselessly before they entered a room, followed by the soft click of the lock.

He swallowed and looked away, trying to push past Takano. His heart had jumped back in his throat during that little exchange and it left him quite… scared to say the least. Immediately, a hand grabbed his arm and tossed him back into the room, causing him to stumble backwards, the back of his knees hitting the soft mattress of the bed and make him fall backward. Takano locked the room and approached him silently, his hungry amber eyes not leaving his prey.

"T-Takano-san… I-it was just a joke, okay?" Ritsu stammered, trying to reason with the man, who ignored him until he was practically caging his smaller frame with his own.

Warm breath caressed his neck, followed by the warm texture of his tongue sliding up Ritsu's neck, nibbling at his jaw before capturing his lips in a forceful kiss. Ritsu tried to move away and push him off, but found himself falling prey to the tingling sensation spreading throughout his body. Takano distanced himself so he could look directly into his eyes, causing Ritsu to gulp once more.

"Maybe next time, you should try a less seductive tactic."

That was all Ritsu needed to hear to know that he'd be pinned down on this bed for the next three hours and limping to work tomorrow.

* * *

**Okay.. That was terrible, I got a little to hyped to type this and I ran out of sugar high. o3o This was supposed to be a humor, but I really have no sense of humor so, I deeply apologize. XD**

**Anyway, review and tell me how terrible I did and yeah sure. Criticism is welcomed and appreciated.**

**Thanks~**


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